Ask Anscombe: What About Porn?

The following is an opinion contribution and reflects the author’s views alone.

Dear Anscombe, 

Is pornography bad for you and why?

Even before we get to the question of whether porn is helpful or harmful, let’s talk about just how widespread it is in our society. At least thirty percent of all internet data transfer is porn-related, and porn sites get more visitors than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined each month. Furthermore, 64% of young people ages 13-24 actively seek out pornography weekly or more often. Finally, porn is a $97 billion dollar global industry, with $10-$12 billion of it being generated in United States alone.

Just from these statistics, we can clearly see that porn usage is common. But simply because something is common and widely available to partake in does not necessarily mean that it is beneficial. We would argue that pornography is harmful to the person and to society at large because it encourages people to settle for less.

First, porn makes people believe that sex is one-sided. Porn depicts sexual material that does not involve the viewer and thus, urges them to imagine themselves in that scenario. While sex is a mutual act, watching porn is usually a solitary act. The focus for the porn viewer, therefore, is not another person, but instead an image or video. The viewer also does not need to have concern for the people on screen. They can just go to a different site, taking in what they saw but not reciprocating.

Hence, porn is not analogous to real sex, but a cheap imitation. With real sex, there is a real person present – an other. Ideally, this is a person who responds and truly interacts with you, acknowledging and affirming your personhood. Porn cannot match this, because instead of a person across from the viewer, there is just an image – a mere depiction. There is no one to receive what you have to give. Hence, this only lets you take. Porn sends the message that sex is an inward act solely for one’s own gratification.

This brings us to another point: porn immerses people in a delusion that warps their ideas of sex and the human person. Porn can only be a reflection of real sex. Reflections cannot capture the sex as it exists in reality. Thus, the depictions of sex found in porn are often twisted, incomplete, and fantasy-oriented, and do not guarantee any similarity to the experience of real sex. Porn is often based on a script and so does not align with how real people interact with each other. Instead, it tricks many viewers into thinking what is on the screen is realistic, and that they should follow what they see in porn as an instruction manual for real sex.

Finally, porn makes people superficial. It stops us from going beyond people’s bodies and sex appeal to take into account their comprehensive beauty and personality. Porn does not depict persons in their wholeness – it only depicts shallow portrayals of them. You can never get out of porn what you get out of interacting with a real person. But, by continuously watching porn, you slowly deceive yourself into believing that you can.

This can lead people to seek out porn in lieu of real romantic relationships. It can even lead people to eschew real relationships entirely, since the fantasies of porn offer an enticing alternative. Like a drug addiction, porn allows one to temporarily escape reality and all the challenges with it, isolating them from their real friends and community.

Hence, with the temporary escape of porn comes the preclusion of the great happiness resulting from being able to confront the difficulties inherent in human relationships. At the end of the day, one must confront reality, realizing that the temporary enjoyment that comes with porn comes at the expense of the joys of commitment and true selfless love. In the long term, porn teaches you to escape, rather than confront, the emotional challenges of human interaction and the even deeper challenges of intimacy.

Porn addiction is a common struggle. It is a rare thing, however, to make an effort to overcome it. People who open up about wanting to quit porn may find that others think their resolve is misguided, just because porn is so common. They might also find it hard open up to their friends, for fear of being judged. And the main source of discouragement can often come from oneself, not wanting to try after failing to quit for so long, or trying and failing over and over again.

But the happiness in quitting will be worth it, even if the road to quitting is a long one. And there are plenty of resources available to those who wish to quit. There has been a new wave of apps designed to allow friends to discreetly form accountability groups to help each other overcome their addiction. Furthermore, initiatives like Fight the New Drug are indicators of a recent movement against porn and its serious harm to society. Be assured that the resolve and strength one develops in overcoming this habit will greatly improve one’s life, allowing him or her to appreciate, seek, and cultivate real, good, true, and beautiful relationships with others.

Sincerely,

Anscombe

If you’d like to ask a question about love, sex, relationships or anything of that type, email the Ask Anscombe team at . Should you wish to stay anonymous, you can submit through this form on the Tory’s website.

Graphic design by Grace Koh ’20.

Anscombe

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