Points & Punts

Humanitarianism

Muammar al-Qaddafi may be facing a US-backed rebellion for his crimes against his own people, but many may not be aware of his humanitarian work. He’s spent decades promoting peace with the Al-Qaddafi International Prize for Human Rights. Previous honorees include Daniel Ortega, Fidel Castro, Louis Farrakhan, and Hugo Chavez. Given his current predicament, we suspect that Qaddafi may not have much time on his hands to think about next year’s winner, so we have a few suggestions: Alexandra Wallace for her breakthrough research on Asians in the library; Patrice Wilson for his work on “Friday”; Van Jones, because green jobs are really important.

Steering Committee on Undergraduate Women’s Leadership

After a year and a half of grueling research, the Steering Committee on Undergraduate Women’s Leadership released its 114-page report outlining gender inequality in the University population. In unrelated news, ECO 100 students analyzed the opportunity cost of a year and a half in terms of unmade sandwiches.

More on Steering Committees

The Tory created its own Steering Committee on the Steering Committee on Women in Undergraduate Leadership.  In a reactionary move, President Shirley Tilghman has called for a Steering Committee on the Steering Committee on the Steering Committee of Women in Undergraduate Leadership. Said the Tory, “You think you’re so smart? We’ll just form a Steering Committee on the Steering Committee…”

Representative Peter King

In what many are calling a surprising move, Representative Peter King (R-NY) recently announced his retirement from public service, citing his desire to continue as “The Shakespeare of our time.” King’s first book of unashamed self-aggrandizement, Vale of Tears, ended with a cliffhanger, and the representative hopes to continue the highly criticized series. President Obama, inspired by King’s story, also tendered his resignation the same day, citing his desire to pen a self-serving novel. However, when Chief of Staff Bill Daley whispered to Obama, “Sir, you’ve already done that twice,” the President quickly waffled on his decision, saying, “Let me be totally unambiguous. I have decided to remain as President of the United States. At least for another month, because by then I may have actually done something to deserve a book.” The President then quickly left the press conference for his 236th round of golf this week.

Be Proud

On a serious note, the Tory would like to celebrate the remarkable achievements of all of our NCAA athletes. Most of campus is familiar with the magnificent performance of our basketball teams in making the NCAA tournament, but the Tory would also like to recognize the excellence of Princeton’s fencing team – who sent 12 individuals to the NCAA tournament – and Ashley Higginson, who came fifth place at the NCAA Indoor Track and Field Championships in the women’s 3,000m race.

Rebecca Black

We’d like to use this space to thank Rebecca Black for solving the age-old controversy about which day of the week it is. (If only Black had been around in time to get Jews and Christians on the same page with regard to the Sabbath.) Another thank you to Patrice Wilson, the rapper in the “Friday” music video and the CEO of Ark Music Factory. Patrice, please keep doing what you’re doing. We don’t have enough autotune in modern music. If you’d been around sooner, maybe Kanye West would have made 808’s his debut album rather than The College Dropout. Shame how things work out.

Protests in the Arab World

In an attempt to endear himself to the western world, Saudi Arabia’s Crown Prince Sultan bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud has enlisted Princeton’s Steering Committee on Women in Undergraduate Leadership to explore the dearth of women leaders in the Saudi Arabian government. The Tory praises the Crown Prince for this massive step in the direction of equality.

Republican Presidential Logic Games

If you can get this question right, you should be ready to take the LSAT… or write for Politico.

Eight Republicans are considering running for president. Four of them– Daniels, Barbour, Romney, and Huntsman– are moderates, while the other four– Pawlenty, Palin, Gingrich, and Huckabee– are conservatives. The following conditions determine which of the prospective candidates will run:

1. Four candidates will run– two moderates and two conservatives
2. If Palin does not run, Gingrich runs
3. Daniels runs only if Barbour and Huntsman do not run
4. If Romney runs, then Huckabee runs

Which of the following could be an accurate list of the four Republican presidential candidates?

A. Daniels, Romney, Huckabee, Pawlenty
B. Romney, Huckabee, Pawlenty, Gingrich
C. Huntsman, Barbour, Huckabee, Gingrich
D. Daniels, Romney, Pawlenty, Gingrich
E. Daniels, Barbour, Palin, Pawlenty

(Correct answer: C)

Republican Presidential Illogic Games

Newt Gingrich recently announced that he would form a committee to explore the possibility of investigating the probability of contemplating a hypothetical run for the presidency. A simpler solution to his conundrum: a task force to address the lack of Gingrich leadership in the White House today. Naturally, the task force would consist entirely of Gingrich.

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